Angel

   Funny how things go upside down in just a few weeks, I didn’t know what went wrong.  Maybe this is what happens to a wife who lives apart from her husband.  I don’t know, but, I may be depressed.

   I can’t explain my melancholia, it’s an all of a sudden gush that almost ate my entirety.  I hardly know myself anymore.  I used to be this strong, assured woman, but now, I don’t know where that woman went, I am like a different person.  Nobody could ever mouth the words "kawawa ka naman" to me coz they know how I hate it when other people take pity on me, but now, I pity myself.

   I know my married life is far from perfect, but I can see how it improved over the months, I have already adjusted to the changes, and I can say that I am pretty happy with how our relationship managed the struggles that life poured out on us.  But I can’t help being down again.  Down because I realized, without my husband, I hardly have a life.

   That’s where self-pity came in.  I don’t know who I am now apart from being a wife to my husband.  Of course I will always be a daughter to my parents, and a sibling to my brothers and sisters, and a friend to my friends.  Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to have these roles.  But my life stops there.  I no longer have a job, I can’t even go far from 2 miles away from our apartment without bugging our friends to come rescue us.  Can’t even enjoy a cup of coffee with a good book at the local cafe. 

   I used to help fight to change the world, but now, I can hardly change the way I live.